From Mom to Drug Dealing Monster Slayer















Tiny Red Boots in a tube.

My nightly routine of taking a low dose of anti-anxiety/depression medication always ends with hope. Hope that these little pills which feel a little magic will soothe my mind and fortify my spirit.

A few years ago I started wearing fire-engine red hunter wellies. They made me feel like I could handle things. They did the walking for me when I felt that I couldn’t take. another. step. (this site is named after those red boots and what they have meant to me)


Friendly neighborhood drug taking, drug dealing, soon drug smuggling (legally) mom.

The multiple times a day routine of pushing drugs on my daughter. Heavy-duty anti-seizure meds that do as much harm as good.

Valproic Acid. Keppra. Clobazam. Ativan.

Sprinkle in some Cannabis CBD oil for good measure and some stool softener.

Drugs, 3 times per day for my daughter, check!

Food, daily g-tube feedings 5-8 times a day, regular feedings 3 times, Check!

Fingers crossed, hopeful that we’ll be one of those families in a video that goes viral talking about how our daughter’s monster was slain and she can walk again, talk for the first time, and regained some of the use of her hands.

See? Hope — it’s nearly a religion at our house these days.

Meds for my daughter are a necessity. They help reduce seizures. For me, Meds help me stay out of the cracks my brain falls into when I forget to take them.

I didn’t need them BR (Before Rett Syndrome).

Will they become like oxygen, something I can’t live without? Hope my doctor gets that referral in soon; all my follow-up and muscle-in is reserved for my daughter’s needs; I need to make sure I don’t run out of follow-up or muscle-in for her.

Drugs are at once my aid and my crutch, with them I am armed against the monster named Rett.

And I wonder: will the day come when I have shaped my brain and my nervous system in all the ways that are needed to stop seeing monsters.


What’s with the Red Boots?

So, why boots?

Why red?

Why hunter boots?


Such an interesting visual, isn’t it?

When we first got the diagnoses that one of our kids had a challenging set of a neurological/neurogenetic disorders, well, these boots were absolutely made for walking because I couldn’t.

A few years ago I started wearing fire-engine red hunter wellies. They made me feel like I could handle things.

They did the walking for me when I felt that I couldn’t take. another. step.

For me, curiously, knowing exactly where that first step would lead is precisely what often trips me up. It’s as though seeing where I’m heading and what will be needed of me is what I am hesitant of. When you have a child whose everyday life requires indefatigable energy from you and whose medical needs are so vast that they require we take some of the hardest steps to take as a parent, what happens when you simply don’t want to take that step?

Maybe it’s like that for you too.

So how, when you feel you can’t take that first step, do you actually take it? How, when you feel you can’t face another moment or another task, or another decision do you generate that which you need to just take it?

I wore out those hunter boots taking plenty of first steps. So much so that a dear friend of mine actually contacted the Hunter Boots company and told them my story. A few weeks later, to my surprise, a brand new pair of Red Hunter Boots were delivered to my door complements of Hunter Boot Limited.

Those boots helped me walk, run and go through plenty of mud ever since.

Today, I do not need to wear the boots as much. Instead, I have been known to lend them to those who require a help in taking that next step.

So, that’s the story of our Red Hunter Boots and why they use to call me the redboot warrior.